By MaryEllen Tribby
While working with and studying entrepreneurial legends including but not limited to, Richard Branson, Steve Forbes, Michael Masterson, Bill Bonner and Marty Edelston for over 20 years I have concluded there are three main reasons people start their own businesses. They are:
1. Money
2. Freedom/flexibility
3. Cause/passion
Some will debate that money is the best reason because it takes the emotion out of business. Others say that flexibility is the best reason because it allows you to live your life in the manor that best suits you and your family. While others still say that following your passion is the true road to happiness.
This debate is endless because all sides are plausible.
However, it seems that all entrepreneurs have one thing in common. They all had a defining moment that sparked their decision. They all had that “ah-ha” moment that could not be ignored. They all had an epiphany of a lifetime that would change their legacy.
I always wondered what that would be like to experience such an epiphany. Well the old saying “be careful what you wish for . . .” is so true.
What Doesn’t Kill Us, Will Make Us Stronger
“At this point, we can’t rule out malignancy,” the doctor said.
I just looked at my husband. I knew he was asking the doctor questions, but I didn’t hear any words. I saw his lips moving and felt his strong hand on top of mine. But all I could think was I needed to wake up. (“This is not happening. I know I am just having a bad dream.”)
It wasn’t until I was in the front seat of our car that I realized it wasn’t a dream. “Are we going home?” I asked. “No,” my husband said. “We are going to get your ultrasound and more x-rays.” “Oh,” I replied.
It didn’t really matter where we were going, because all I could think of at that moment were the three beautiful children my husband and I have been blessed with.
First, my thoughts went to my ten-year-old, Mikaela. Without me, who would she talk to about boys? Who would show her how to put on makeup and help her pick out a college? But the most painful thought was… who would comfort her in her loss?
For the past three years, Mikaela has accompanied me on the Race for the Cure breast cancer walk. She is well aware of the horrors of treatment. She’s often commented about people walking in honor of a loved one. For her, I knew there would be no sugarcoating the truth.
Then my thoughts shifted to Connor, my eight-year-old son — an amazing baseball player who plays it cool with his dad and friends. He is an undeniably sweet boy who always writes a special card for me on Mother’s Day. What would he do next May? Would he pretend to write a card, not telling his teacher that he has no one to give it to?
Suddenly, I felt like throwing up. I asked my husband to pull over.
Once back in the car, all I could think about was Delanie, my four-year-old princess. She is so used to having both my husband and me tuck her in at night. She wakes up each morning with a smile on her face and kisses to spare. Have I made enough of an impact on her life that in 10, 12, 15 years from now she will remember me?
Over the following three weeks, I was poked, prodded, and sliced.
On the 22nd day, I found out that I did not have breast cancer.
You would think that I would be so happy that I could not wait to get back to my normal routine. But no. Something happened. Going through that breast cancer scare changed my life in many ways.
You see, I’ve always wanted to start my own business — a business that would empower the working mom. A business that would provide the tools for EVERY working mom to lead a healthier, wealthier, and more balanced life.
It is my belief that working moms have more influence on what our world will look like than any other single group of people. Plus, they have the responsibility to match. I even purchased the URL for my new business in July of 2007.
But I already had a job. And not just any job. I had one of the best jobs in the world. After all, I was Publisher and CEO of Early to Rise. So I kept saying, “Someday. Someday I will start that new business.”
I’m not sure what kept holding me back before the cancer scare. I think the fact that I loved my job. And that, even as a CEO, I was able to enjoy quality time with my husband and three kids — from attending their baseball games, school plays, and dance recitals to taking walks on the beach.
When I would speak at conferences, working moms who heard about my career accomplishments and wonderful family life always asked me, “How? How did you do it?” Those moms were always with me. Tucked in the back of my brain. Not forgotten, but put on hold for “someday.”
But after the scare, the need to create this new business and help other working moms have the lifestyle they wanted and deserved was overwhelming. I could not “NOT” do it.
Unlike most working moms, I had developed systems and strategies for leading a complete and fulfilling life. I had escaped the guilt and the feeling of inadequacy. I had raised kids who were strong, confident, and compassionate. And I knew that I could teach any working mom who wanted to make more money to accomplish that as well.
So in one of the worst recessions America has ever seen, with one of the highest unemployment rates in history, I left the best job I ever had in my 25-year career. Three months later, Working Moms Only was a reality.
What I learned along the way will help you jumpstart any new business. You see, I did not take a dime from any investors, even though the offers were there. My husband and I took $10,000 out of our personal bank account and put that money into our new company.
Several of my industry colleagues questioned me about turning down investors and using my own money. My answer was simple. This was the way we had been teaching ETR readers to start a business — and this was the way I was going to do it.
These are the three most valuable lessons I have learned thus far:
1. Less is more.
A friend of mine recently left her corporate job to start her own marketing consulting firm. The first thing she did was find office space. I asked her why she was doing it. She told me that, with the real estate market in the dumps, space was a bargain. So she was able to rent space for $1,500 a month that normally went for three grand.
But she did not stop there. She bought a desk, chair, filing cabinets, and a couch. She spent $5,000 before she wrote a sales letter or had a website built.
After two months of trying, she finally landed her first client. That client is paying her a $2,000 a month retainer. You do the math.
I have a four-bedroom house and three kids who have their own rooms. I do not have a library, den, or office. Still, I did not go out and rent space. I converted my rarely used dining room into my office. (Heck, we’re kitchen people anyway.) It overlooks a golf course, and I find it very conducive to writing. When I need a change of scenery, I take my laptop and sit out by my pool. I did not buy filing cabinets or print business cards. I have a really good computer and I understand the value of knowing how to use it to it’s fullest.
2. Work on your business every day.
When you are starting a brand-new business that is going to be your livelihood, there are no weekends. You don’t get the day off because it is your wedding anniversary or your kid’s birthday. You have to make sacrifices.
Now does this mean I missed Connor’s ninth birthday? Of course not. But after he went to bed that night, I worked. I worked until I finished everything I needed to do. Sure, the goal of having your own business is to get it to the point where you are living your desired lifestyle. But this does not happen over night.
You must take your business seriously. For this very reason, I vowed that I would not work in my PJs. I still get up and go to the gym first thing in the morning. I then shower, dress, and dive into my work.
I don’t stay in bed an extra hour or talk on the phone. I treat my business with respect — as I have always treated someone else’s business that I was running.
I know far too many “entrepreneurs” who are still in their pajamas at 2:00 in the afternoon. These are the guys who are always asking why they are not doing as well as their competitors.
3. Know your market intimately.
It’s best if you are a member of your target market. This is the road I have taken. I knew what it was like to be an executive before I had kids, and I have been a working mom for 11 years. I honed the new skills I needed over those 11 years. I am now in the top percentile of highly paid working moms.
If you are not personally in your target market, there are several things you can do to get yourself up to speed. Start with these:
* Study your competition. Understand what they do and figure out how you can do it faster, better, and cheaper.
* Use Amazon to get insider information about your prospective customers. Read reviews on products similar to the ones you are thinking of developing. Decide how you could address buyers’ concerns and enhance the features and benefits they like.
These lessons alone will help you make more money and gain more flexibility in your business.
And this is important . . .
Yes, my epiphany spoke to my passion. However starting and cultivating a profitable business is important. And managing that business while procuring flexibility adds tremendous value to my life.
As you can see all three sides of the triangle, money, passion and flexibility should be considered in starting and running your business. As your business grows the priorities will shift. Some days all three may share in equality. Some days one or two may take a strong lead. Just like all aspects of your life your business in continuously evolving.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
It was due to health issues and a bizarre accident that I started my own business. I definitely had my own epiphany that things had to change. Myself was the major thing that needed changing!
In the past few years I’ve transformed my life into one that is joyous,fulfilling, and happy.
My business is growing, I love what I do, and most importantly, I am living my values after discovering what they are. Giving to others and making my difference in this world through volunteer work, philanthropy, my business, and daily actions is the passion that drives me. It’s leaving my legacy that has me jumping out of bed each morning to greet a new day.
I’m 52, so my 5 children are now grown adults. I have 5 grandchildren so far too. Let me tell those of you who are younger that even when your kids have moved out and are on their own, they still require a commitment from you time-wise as mom and grandma.
Working from home in my own business gives me that flexibility that I need to have a lifestyle that is not stressful and draining. I now have more energy than I have in years, am getting healthier, living better, and excited about the future.
Mary Ellen,
I’ve been following you for years in ETR and have lots of respect for you and all you have done. What you are doing now impresses me even more as you are giving of your talents in a way that is more personal and I feel will help more women. You are a positive role model and example for others that you can have a great life doing what you love. I’m so glad to know that your health scare was only that, and not a real disease. Together we can change the world for the better so keep up the fantastic work you have started!
Thank you MaryEllen! I absolutely love this post. Thank you for being real and for not speaking in platitudes, but for sharing your journey. It encourages me greatly. I am a speaker and writer (on sexual intimacy in marriage nonetheless!) Your positive attitude resonates with me and reminds me of why I do what I do. And I smiled when you said your office is in your dining room. Mine is a desk in our living room (which we rarely use). The dog kennel sits a mere three feet from me, I’m surrounded by file boxes and books, and I can see my youngest son where he sleeps in a bedroom not far away. Sometimes I wish I had an office, but I still feel blessed beyond measure. Less is more. So true.
This is a fantastic article. I have been running my own business for 17 years. Over the past two years I have added a couple of new elements to what I do. Although I still have my company, what I do has changed. It has been a scary transition but I have met several supportive people along the way who help to keep the fear in proper perspective. The advice you give here is rock solid and a good reinforcement for me. I particularly like what you say about treating your business with respect. That is also very important to me and I hope those that view this article pay attention. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you Beth – you too are a wonderful role model for women. I am so glad you are part of our Working Moms Only community.
Hello Julie – your insights are always so useful and positive. Thank you so much for your contribution.
Hi Clint – thank you so much for your feedback. It’s that support that we get from others that is the most valuable to our businesses and our lives.
Hi MaryEllen,
I’ve almost always been self-employed and loved it — can’t stand to have someone else telling me what to do and potentially limiting my life prospects. As a court reporter (stenographer) for many years, for only a few of those years was I an employee; the rest of the time I generated my own leads from a niche that resembled “shooting fish in a barrel” and turned them into stable, longterm, profitable clients.
After leaving that field, I purchased a franchise restaurant and became its manager. I was the FIRST franchisee in the chain and enjoyed being instrumental in developing its brand identity. Eventually, though, I knew I did not want to stay in the food business forever — grueling hours, low profitability, too many unpredictables to deal with.
Now that I’m launching a new business in a new field, marketing educational information, I feel compelled to continue indulging my independent streak. I think the defining, propelling moments have come while I was in the inspiring company of successful entrepreneurs…the experience of mentorship, reciprocity, and collective learning that helped me realize I CAN do this! The final spur to action came when I calculated how much longer my existing sources of income would last…Ah-ah! It’s time to put fear aside and get on with it!
Hi MaryEllen
Your article about ‘one of your darkest hours, being also one of the most enlightening’ was deeply moving and thought-provoking. Sincere gratitude for sharing.
As Einstein said, ‘There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle’.
Out of personal adversity, you created a miracle for the world in Working Moms Only. Your courage, passion and determination are admired!
In a nutshell, each person’s defining moment will be different. Our world will be a better place, if as individuals we face that moment, like you did, as ‘a miracle’.
Kind regards
Roe
Good Morning,
It has truly been lifechanging since I subscribed to your mail and read you daily. The inspiration and encouragement I receive has changed my life. I am a Single Mother of four, two grown and a 14y.o and 7y.o still home. I, followed what I thought was the American Dream — get an education, find a good job and work myself to death till I could retire. Well, with today’s economy crunch, needless to say I have been shattered and struggling with always more month than money. However, with your encouragement, my FAITH and necessity to care for my minor children, I have stepped out of my comfort zone into the world of MLM. I was invited to look at an opportunity a few days ago that is truly changing my life spirtually and financially. I have not been told “NO” yet and am having the time of my life with this opportunity and look forward to the financial freedom it’s going to bring. http://www.mpbtoday.com/rizinsunz is the site anyone interested can visit to see what is changing my life. I pray that this will help others reach financial freedom as it is helping me. Thanks for allowing me to share and a big thanks to you for your diligence in believing in us as WOMEN and encouraging us daily to become powerful beyond measure. I am stepping out on FAITH knowing that my success as well as other women’s is infinite. Crecia Starks —- aaaaah what a relief this is!!
Only few days back (18 June 2010) I came across your site and was only occasionally reading your article…….but now I wait for for your mail to come…..Right now I am working as a trainer……..have a 6 years old son……pretty happy with the present life…….but somewhere I too want to start my own business but totally clueless from where to start………perhaps till now I haven’t get my defining moment…..but I am trying to gather courage from you people like you to start…….yes I too can do something independently….Just wish me I could overcome all the fear to start…..
Dear Mary Ellen,
You came to my life at the right moment. I was very painful between kids and career because I thought I had to sacrifice one to get another. I purchased your Thriving Gude, watched your video and read “Every Branch Counts” at one breath. Now I know I can have all: a happy marriage, happy kids, happy career and happy money and happy cause. Because of your newsletter, I found out what my issues are. Why has my businesse not grown? Because I did not respect it. I treat it as a hobby. I did not sacrifice my sleep to get things done. Now I need to think hard and reorganize my life to fulfill my lifelong dream: be a ray of light, a drop of water to make a difference in someone’s life. 23 years ago, a stranger came into my life and changed my life forever.
Keep up the good work. You have made a difference in my journey to success. Many Thanks!
Of those 3 reasons i’m all about the freedom… I remember my defining moment when I knew I was an entrepreneur (and couldn’t go back). I had been working from home for a business owner who passed away, and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next – this was my only client at the time. I was talking to a friend who worked for a large oil & gas company in town sharing how I wasn’t sure what was coming up next and she said “you could come work here.”
A chill went up my spine.
The thought of putting on panty hose and having to go to an office each day and be there at a specific time… no thanks! I couldn’t go back, and even though I had been self-employed already then for a couple of years (working on contract for folks) that was the moment I knew I was a business owner and could never go back to a J-O-B.
I didn’t have kids then, but I do now and thank my lucky stars every day that I didn’t go back… or I would never have the freedom and enjoyment that I do now in life and business.
Thanks for sharing how you got “motivated” to take the leap of faith. Mine started for me when I realized I needed to be available for my kids and they needed me at a crucial time. So I left my banking career of 16 years and stayed with them and volunteered at the school. They loved it when they could come to the cafeteria and get cookies from me.
I still needed “something” as the novalty wore off for the boys 2-3 years later. So here I am. Working everyday, loving what I do, helping business show appreciation and recognition to their clients and employees. I get all warm and fuzzy inside to know that we are helping make a difference in business. I do get to work around my family, not always but most times. I have that autonomy by being self employed.
Thanks again, I really enjoy your articles and encouragement that are so applicable to my everyday life!
Pat Currie
Mary Ellen thank you for sharing your story. My business and lifestyle change came about by the birth of my son 6.5 years ago. After 12 mths maternity leave I had to make that hard choice of whether to go back to work and let someone else bring up my son, or to stay with him and watch him grow up with our values, love and support.
When it came to the crunch, the decision was easy. I had waited 39 years for this beautiful child to be born and he deserved my devoted time for a minimum of the first 5 years of his life. For me that was the right decision for our family and my husband agreed.
He is what drives me to be the best I can be. Am I the perfect mother/self employed career woman? Not by a long shot. But I balance life the best way I know how and love knowing that I have the ability to live life on my terms not someone elses.
Seeing the smile on my sons face when Mum is there to pick him up from school each day is what tells me, in my heart, that I made the right decision.
Thanks for sharing Mary Ellen have a fabulous day.
PS. Thank you also for sharing in the Social Media Woman magazine I am putting your tips into practice as we speak and it is working wonders thank you.
MY DEFINING MOMENT:
EVERYDAY I would wake up and have some creative time to myself planning, thinking and writing. That is when I am the freshest and seem to come up with my best ideas. Nothing has hit me before as it did this morning…
I HAD been racking my brain trying to come up with WHAT DO I DO? As with many people across the nation my husband and I too have been having financial difficulties. I knew that this meant a time for change but I just wasn’t sure what it was. I had been listening and reading The Secret over and over for about a year straight. (I think I can quote Rhonda Burn word for word…with the accent!) I also read Think and Grow Rich highlighting as I went AND listened to the audio version as well. My kids would sigh every time we would get into the car and these cds would be playing. Within these books was so much information and not knowing where to start, I decided that I would outline these books and make my own simpler version. So every morning I would start to work on my project.
AS a test I decided that I would take what I learned and apply it to the existing business that my husband and I have.
WHEN the economy took a hit our construction business went from booming to dead. We had to reinvent ourselves and change direction. We have a customer service construction company and what better than to market to the insurance industry to help people in their time of need. We had been doing the same for homebuilders so we figured what a great match. My job was to sell our services to the insurance adjustors. Wow what a job. They practically shove you out the door. So I decided I needed to use my qualities of charm and FOOD to win them over. I racked my brain. What would make an impression? It needed to be something that said WOW and that people would remember where that came from.
THEN THE BRICK!!!
I remember this particular morning, it was October 28th, the day Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT was premiering. My Mom, sister, niece and I had tickets to attend the first showing.
THIS morning I woke up doing my morning ritual and God decided to throw a brick at my head! OMG!!!! I have been praying to God everyday for a new start. “PLEASE GOD what am I to do? How can I overcome such obstacles? Please take care of the people that are in worse situations first but I know what a great God you are that you can do both. Please show me the direction that I am to go because I am blind and ignorant to hints.” THUD!!!! Boy did he ever show me. I really think that my head really did hurt!
MY DAUGHTER Brooke doesn’t like cake. Ice cream, yes, cake, no. So, for her birthday parties I would make a rice krispy cake. I would make a sombrero for her fiesta party, a piece sign for her 70’s party, a dragon for her Chinese party and on and on. I thought these insurance adjustors would definitely remember one of my Krispy cakes. BOOM!!! Forget the insurance guys, why not sell them?…If people can make a business from selling cookies or brownies, why not rice krispy treats! “THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!”
I AM so happy about this that I just feel so blessed. Yes I am just beginning… but what a future! What hope! There is nothing like having hope and especially going from a feeling of desperation to hope! I know, like I know that this is the right direction. Yes I have had some setbacks but what an experience. This is it, truly it! It is something that is mine and I have such aspirations for it. I am full of gratitude and I say THANK YOU everyday! I have always been a positive person and my philosophy is when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Thoughout this rough time I keep saying “We are going to look back and say that this is the best thing that ever happened to us.” Hardship makes you grow. I was forced to make a change which is always hard to do, but change can be the best thing that happens to you. It is possible for everyone experiencing hardship to turn it into opportunity. I had to go through all of those experiences to get to where I am. AND TOMORROW will be brighter for it.
Hi MaryEllen
At first as a man I wondered about the relevance of subscribing to your mails but thought that I could at least pass them onto my wife, but the more I read the more I appreciate your common sense approach to life.
We all face common issues as human beings regardless of our gender, so keep up the good work, i look forward to much more inspiring content.
Peter
Mary Ellen,
My defining moment arose from a divorce. Being transitioned from 27 years married to single father of 4 was a shock to the system. That change precipitated a relocation for the children and I. Having been out of the home market for over 20 years, the “sticker shock” was intense. Finding a down payment was also challenging.
My “day job” was developing online information systems for a university. A miraculous series of events led to an opportunity to take on an “after-hours” web site project. Realizing I needed significant help making ends meet with the new home and all the associated costs of running a home and getting the children outfitted for school, I jumped at the chance.
Five years later, the web site project turned into an online ordering system for a major pet food manufacturer. I have incorporated and have some new projects “in the hopper”.
The change from being an employee with a narrow scope of responsibilities to a business owner/operator has been quite an education. I got my first part-time job at 16 years old, started my first business at 58 and been in “business school” every day since. I always seem to be on the steep section of the learning curve, but I’m hooked on being in business.
Thanks for your newsletter and your many useful tips.
Steve Stone
Hi Mary Ellen,
This was a very powerful message – more powerful than many of your others, I believe. And here’s why: you shared with us your very personal story that clearly explained why you’re doing what you do.
People don’t buy what you do – they buy why you do it.
On this point, you may want to check out the TED speech given by Simon Sinek, that I’ve posted at http://www.URChampions.
He makes the point that the most successful companies are the ones that are able to communicate not only what they do and how they do it, but most importantly, why they do what they do.
Simon also says that the goal is not to do business with people who need what you have, but to do business with the people who believe what you believe.
I would love to meet with you and connect – I think we have some similar beliefs. Feel free to contact me directly at my email.
Cheers,
Maria Lizak
Great issue Mary Ellen!
We all start businesses for personal reasons and the best reason to start a business is for your own reasons…that’ll keep you going in tough times.
@SandraBaptist