Article by: MaryEllen | Monday, March 4, 2013

By MaryEllen Tribby

I finally had it.

You know what I am talking about – that ah-ha moment! The one that literally makes you want to bang your head against the wall because you cannot believe how clueless you were.

It was just this past June. I was sitting in my gorgeous newly built home in Austin, Tx. Looking out at our resort style pool set against the picturesque Texas Hill Country and thinking – this house does not make a home. That was the exact moment I knew we needed to move back to Florida.

Back to our cozy cottage style house, back to the beach, back to our family and friends!

And that is exactly what we did just two months later. And in doing so (and in conjunction with some serious research), I discovered ten severe habits that work against us – not for us.

So today, we need to vow to stop the self-sabotaging and intentionally work to be happy.

Turning Ten Deadly No, No’s into True Happiness  

1. Stop making excuses: I have always said that when joining the WMO community you are entering the NO EXCUSE ZONE: We come up with excuses because they are easier than actually accomplishing our goals. But here’s the thing, excuses are just a waste of time.
Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck lying to ourselves, using all kinds of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

2. Stop the blame game: When you blame others for what you don’t have or for what happens to you, you actually give your power away. Life is not about what happens to you, rather how you handle the situations in your life.

3. Stop your resistance to change: Change is good. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also in the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. There is a wonderful book called Who Moved my Cheese – read it!

4.  Stop complaining: You are the only person responsible for you! So stop complaining about people, events and situations that make you sad, angry and bitter because the only thing can make you sad, angry or bitter is YOU allowing it. Plus no one wants to be around someone who constantly complains.

5. Stop trying to impress others: Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find that people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

6. Stop being a control freak: Hey I know this is hard. But when you are willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. (whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street) and just allow them to be, your stress level decreases tremendously.
7. Stop the criticism: My dad had a saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.”  So give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different from you. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood.

8: Stop Judging: Stop judging people, things and events just because you don’t understand them. Just because something seems “weird” or different does not mean it is bad or wrong.

9: Stop with the need to always be right:  There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be happy?”

10. Stop trying to live your life up to other people’s expectations: Way too many of us are living a life that is not ours to live. Some people live their lives according to what others think is best for them. They live their lives according to what their parents, their friends, even their enemies think is best for them! In many working moms’ cases, it’s the kind of life the media has projected. We ignore the inner voice, that inner calling. We are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that we lose control over our lives and forget what makes us happy, what we want, what we need.  We all have just one life to live; weown it, don’t let other people’s opinions mislead us.

I can honestly share this with you. Since I have made a conscious effort to stop all of the behaviors above, I have never been happier. And when I see myself slip – I acknowledge that behavior and work on adjusting my thought process.

Remember we cannot change, fix and improve on what we have not yet acknowledged.

So if need be, find an accountability partner who has your permission to call you out when you slip. This way you can reflect on what made you say or act in a certain way. The more aware you are of your actions, the easier and faster you can improve them.