By MaryEllen Tribby
I recently read a charming story online in USA Today about a very successful working mom, Ann Curry (from the Today show). It was entitled “Here’s how working mom, Ann Curry, makes it all work”.
In the article she essentially gave working moms 12 succinct tips around simplifying your life as a busy working mom. She emphasized some very basic yet effective concepts like accepting imperfections, depending on a support team, and eliminating the idea of multi-tasking. Overall, I thought it was a well written and a worthwhile piece and that most people would be thankful for the reminders and/or fresh ideas.
Or so I thought . . .
After I finished, I noted a remarkably high amount of comments. Thinking that folks wanted to continue the conversation and add value to what was already there, I took a peek.
Boy was I wrong!
Imagine my surprise when ninety-nine percent (yes 99%!) of the comments were harsh negative ones bashing Ann for her tremendous career success, her blissful marriage, and her (what seemed to me to be) extremely well-mannered children.
The pure resentment and intense jealousy jumped off the page faster than a bunny in heat.
Don’t Hate The Player, Hate The Game
Here is just a sampling of what I read:
“Let’s see, how DOES she do it? Nannies, housekeepers, chauffeurs, private tutors, personal assistants, maids, stylists, and a huge income. Somehow, I think her life is just a tad different than 95% of the human race.
Full time mother, she doesn’t even come close.”
***
“Now, let’s do a sister article on some poor single mother working for minimum wage and see how she makes it all work. I’ll bet the circumstances are a hell of a lot different than those Ann faces. Most working mothers (whether single or not/high profile or not) have way more challenges than Ann will ever see.”
***
“Is it me, or don’t you think an 18 and 16 year old can be responsible enough to get themselves up on time and prepare their own breakfast? This article is about what it would be like to be entitled, rich and have no idea how the rest of us live. I’m not impressed at all.
Write a story about a real working family that earns less than $40,000 a year and raises children who are responsible for their own needs, study hard, have part time jobs, and are able to avoid all the pitfalls of today’s society to become successful and upstanding members of their community.
I don’t begrudge Ann Curry, but please don’t make it sound that she is struggling to raise a family. “Gee, I have an assignment this week. Do you mind if the nanny takes you to your soccer game? vs. “I need to work overtime so I can save a little more for your college tuition.”
Instead of jumping on the “I hate Ann” bandwagon, I decided to investigate the path of Ann’s success.
I found out that she was born in Guam, spent her early years in Japan and later came to the states. She went to the University of Oregon and graduated with a BA in Journalism. She started interning at NBC right out of college and was NBC’s first female reporter.
I then wondered if those Ann haters knew what I took the time to find out. That she was not born with a silver spoon in her mouth. That she is now able to hire nannies and a support team because she did in fact work extremely hard. And, she continually learned and studied her craft to get to where she is today.
But then, I wondered if it even mattered. Would these facts change the behavior and feelings these people had about her?
You see, jealousy and resentment often push people to take on the victim role. Rather than dissecting traits of successful people and trying to learn how they can emulate that success, they find it easier to make excuses for their “non” success.
Seeing this made me realize that there are certain traits and actions one exhibits when they are either already very successful, or on their way to getting there. In addition, there are certain behavioral traits that create “non” success as well.
The Success Indicator
The following is a chart I compiled of some characteristics, traits and behaviors seen in successful people vs. unsuccessful people:
If you are ready to kick up the success meter a bit, make a conscious effort to eliminate the traits on the right hand side of the chart above.
Hey, none of us are perfect and life does have it’s ups and downs. But, as long as we recognize and identify where we need to improve and continually strive to get there – greater success will follow.
Hi MaryEllen
Loved this post. I like the way you say it like it is, not mincing words or trying to be politically correct. Besides jealousy, another reason we may indulge in criticising successful people is that looking at them reminds us of what we have not achieved, and brings up our insecurities. Perhaps on some level we feel that we cannot match up to those successful people, so we say “ya, it’s easy for her, not for me”. I don’t have to be Ann Curry or MaryEllen Tribby, I just have to be the best that I can be – that is what life is about, isn’t it?
Hi MaryEllen,
This was a good story. I find success comes on all levels. I know people who have incomes of $40,000 who are stable because they learned how to live within their means. They have raised children who were successful in their career endeavors and are now raising children of their own. These people, like you pointed out, worked hard to have what they do and they are happy. They are not rich in money but rich in life and attitude. I find that those who are discontent are most unhappy. They feel trapped in their situation because in their mind they can’t make changes for many reasons. It’s almost impossible trying to help these people because they feel unable to help themselves. At some point some of these people will take a ‘leap of faith’ and break free of the mind set that binds them and then they begin to transform their lives. For those who are content with a simpler living, but are in the pits, they find little ways to make their lives easier and ways to achieve things they desire. My husband passed along an article written by a man who fell hard. He was earning a six-figure income and found himself without a job and sacrifices had to be made. He did get a job, albeit low-income, and sought out ways to have the lifestyle he was used to, but within his new budget and he did! He shared his hickory nut with the other squirrels to show it can be done. He found the kind of clothes brands he was used to at the thrift stores. I found the link–it’s a great story!
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/First-Person-Living-Six-ac-2328933919.html?x=0
This is excellent, thanks for sharing MaryEllen. I must admit that more than 14 years ago I probably would have been one of these naysayers, too. Not something I would be proud of just being honest. However, in 1997 I began my entry into the business world of networking. I began working on ME more than my business. Long story short it has been a ride for sure. However, what I’ve learned is to keep my head down, work on me constantly as much if not more than my business and success will find it’s way in. I love how you bring out to look at Ann’s beginnings, how she rose to where she is and learn from it. Sometimes I think people can’t see the forest for the trees, it’s blinding them. I know, I used to be blind, too. Thanks for this again, it’s a keeper to guide my steps daily.
MaryEllen –
Kudos for such an article! Unfortunately, many people have an attitude that ‘people with more’ are bad. As you pointed out, it is easy to criticize someone who is successful. Rarely does one pull back the curtains to see how that person got there.
In reality, most people that are ‘overnight successes’ have put in years of struggling to get their big break! I think that the average person does not want to hear that it takes dedication, sacrifice, hard-work, struggling, consistency, and many other traits that cause people to throw in the towel when it gets too tough.
If I may share a story comparing the Rich vs. the Poor I posted on my website, I invite you to read it at http://allaboutgratitude.com/blog/5101/difference-rich-poor-people/ – if this is not appropriate, please feel free to delete this link.
The bottom line is that people need to adjust their own attitudes and look for the goodness that is in a situation and not focus on the negativity.
Be Well.
Paul.
Hi MaryEllen
Thanks for another great article. I have a few comments that I hope will strike a chord for others and encourage self-examination and/or some additional dialogue.
I did not read the original USA Today piece on Ann. However, if they did not discuss her earlier life and what she did to create and maintain the balanced success she enjoys, then I believe that they may have strongly contributed to the “anti-Ann backlash”. (As an example, I have a good friend who is a very successful woman in all spheres of her life. Without knowing the whole story, it would be easy to believe that she must have come from a priveledged (sic) background and then was very lucky. Neither is the truth – her parents brought her to the US as refugees in the early 1950’s – they didn’t speak English, had very few possessions, etc. Her family did a great deal to emerge from that. She and her husband did a lot to make themselves comfortable – job changes, delaying when they started their family, slow but steady investments, doing without luxuries to send the boys to school and save for their own retirement, etc.) It’s the kind of stuff that must be shared, or folks will come to their own conclusions.
Never underestimate the over-whelming effects of the “glass is half empty” viewpoint. It that’s where folks are coming from, then the attitude itself is a barrier to the power of belief or the likelihood of success if you start out to make changes.
Finally, several years ago I read an article (and I’m sorry that I don’t remember the timing, the source or too many of the details) about how an “average” person with an “average” life situation can easily fail to understand the MOUNTAIN of issues that some folks face every day. The actual FACT of the existence of that mountain can stop folks dead in their tracks from trying to change things for the better. Just one example would be wondering why kids in poor backgrounds don’t seem to be able to grasp at opportunities for better education as a way to end up with a better life. The issues are everything from the horrors of living conditions to the dysfunction of the family to peer pressure to no money for tools to no place to physically study, etc., etc., etc. There is a way to tunnel out of all that, but it’s much harder than most of us realize. I don’t think that folks who are stuck in that spend a lot of time analyzing the details. It’s more that all of their reactions tend to come from that reality. No wonder they feel that people who talk about over-coming obstacles and making a better life don’t know what they are talking about.
Sorry for the chapter of the Great American Novel (that’s what I call it when I get going on something and have to force myself to quit). I just wanted to write that the reaction to Ann’s story is many layered and may have started with not giving folks her real “story”. (And it’s not reasonable to expect folks to stop and go look up her background when they’ve already been “set off” by what they have and have not been told.)
Regards, Jean B.